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Başarılı olmak istiyor musunuz? Evet dediğiniz duyar gibiyim. Başarılı olmanızı engelleyen bir sebep mi var? Hayır mı diyorsunuz? Öyleyse başarılı olmak için neyi bekliyorsunuz? Ömrünüzün sonunu mu?
Başarmak başarılı olmaya inanmakla başlar. Nasıl bir işe başlamak o işi yarı etmek gibiyse başarılı olmaya karar vermek de başarılı olmaya başlamak yolu yarılamak demektir. Başarabilmek taşsız tozsuz ve düz yolda ilerlemekte demek değildir tabi. Başarmak için izlediğiniz yol birileri tarafından gözetlenecektir. Başarısızlık halinde bu yoldan vazgeçmek ve bu ana kadarki başarısızlıkları bulmak yerine buraya kadarki doğruların üzerine yeni yolar çizmek başarılı olmak isteyen kişilerin ortak yöntemi olmalıdır bence. Başarısızlık durumunda o yolu bırakıp başka yollar bulmaya çalışmak aslında başarıya ulaşmak için başka bir yöntemdir fakat bir eylemde bulunmamak, ben başaramıyorum duygusuna kapılmak Martin Seligman’ın öğrenilmiş çaresizlik kuramına da bir örnek oluşturmaktadır. Murray Bulter’in “Dünya üç grup insandan oluşmuştur; sonuçları ortaya çıkaran küçük bir başarılı grup, olup biteni seyreden oldukça büyük bir grup ve en son olarak ta nelerin olup bittiğini bilmeyen muazzam bir kalabalık.” sözü bu günkü insanların genel davranışına güzel bir örnektir. Siz bu grubun hangisinde yer aldığınızı hiç düşündünüz mü?
Başarılı olmak önce kendimize bireysel olarak çeki düzen vermeyle başlar. Unutmayalım birileri bizi gözetliyor. Bizim başarımızı modelleyecek ve başarısızlığımızı kendilerine bahane olarak sunacak bir çok insan bulunmaktadır. Başarısızlık eylemsizlik getirirse buna atalet duygusu diyoruz. Başarısızlığımız atalet duygusunun oluşmasına sebep olacak çok kötü bir örnektir. Başarılı olmak için hiçbir sebebiniz yoksa bu da kişide atalet duygusuna sebep olur.
Bu güne kadarki başarısız olduğunuz konularda geriye dönüp neleri yanlış yaptık diye düşündüğünüz hiç oldu mu? Şimdi içinizden tabiî ki düşündük seslerini koro halinde duyar gibi oluyorum. Başarısız olduğunuz konuda neleri doğru yaptığınızı hiç düşündünüz mü? Koro sesleri sanki solaya çevrildi ne dersiniz. İşte kaybettiğimiz nokta aslında burası. Olumlu yaptığınız şeyler yerine olumsuzu konuşuyoruz, gülecek programlar yerine hüzünlenecek programlar seyrediyoruz. Mutluluğumuzu ağlayarak ifade ediyoruz. Sınavlara girerken en iyisini başaracağım yerine ya başaramazsamları düşünüyoruz. Maça bir sıfır yenik başlamayalım lütfen.
Başarmak sizin için önemli ise başarılı olabilirsiniz. Rahat sıkıntısı olmadan yaşayan çocuklarla sıkıntı içerisinde yaşayan çocukların hedefleri arasında çok fark vardır aslında. Birinde azim ve kararlılık diğerinde hedefsizlik vardır. Başarıyı para ile eş değer gören çocuklarda eylemsizlik durumu hasıl olup başarmak için hiçbir sebepleri bulunmamaktadır. Genelde babası annesi dış ülkede yaşayan çocukların okumama sebepleri de budur.
Başarı için bir hedefin olması gerekmektedir. Yaşadığınız hayat yaşamak istediğiniz hayat mıdır? Yanıtınız evet ise hedefiniz de yok demektir. Hedef yoksa eylemsizlik kaçınılmazdır. Hedefi seçip başarılı olmak için neleri yapıp neleri yapmayacağını iyi analiz ettikten sonra hedefe öğrenilmiş çaresizlik sendromuna kapılmadan emin adımlarla ilerlemek akabinde başarıyı getirecektir. Lisede psikoloji derslerinde pire, maymun, köpek, fare deneylerini bilmeyenleriniz yoktur tabi. Ama pire deneyi hiç aklımdan çıkmaz. Pireyi bir fanusun içine bırakıp üzerini bir cam kapakla örtersek pireler o fanustan çıkmak için daha yüksekler zıplayarak o fanustan çıkmaya çalışır. Bir çok denemelerden sonra fanusun boyu kadar zıplayarak ya da zıplamayı bırakarak tepkisiz hale gelirler. Sebep başaramayacaklarını zihinlerinde yer ettirmeleridir. Önceleri kaçmalarını engelleyen fanus gibi fiziksel bir engel var iken şimdi başaramayacakları duygusu gibi zihinsel bir engel daha oluşmuştur. İşte en zor engel de budur. Bu engelleri aşmak bir psikoloğa gitmek ya da kişisel gelişim uzmanlarından dersler almak veyahut ta bunlarla ilgili kitaplar okumakla mümkündür.
Başarmak için inancınız varken imkanlarınızı lütfen zorlayın. Zihninizdeki engelleri bir kaldırmayı deneyin. Eğer hayatta geleceğim en iyi yer burası, bundan daha iyisi yok, yeter bu güne kadar çalıştığım diyorsanız kendinize bir mezar yeri belirleyin eştirin ve oraya girmek için gün sayın ve orayı hayal edin derim. En güzel hayat hayalini kurduğunuz hayattır.
Yazımı bir afrika atasözüyle bitirmek istiyorum. “Afrika’da her sabah bir ceylan uyanır. En hızlı aslandan daha hızlı koşması gerektiğini yoksa ona yem olup öleceğini bilerek. Afrikada her sabah bir aslan uyanır en yavaş ceylandan daha hızlı koşması gerektiğini, yoksa açlıktan öleceğini bilerek. Aslan da ceylan da olmanıza gerek yok yeter ki her sabah kalktığınızda koşmanız gerektiğini bilin”

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Son yorumlar

  • 30.07.2014 09:02
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  • 28.07.2014 08:08
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