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BAŞKANI TUŞ A MEKTUPLAR SON -


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Sevgili okurlarım, bu köşede yayınlanacak yazıyı dört gözle beklediğinizi biliyorum. ( Zabah Zabah Zeda Zayan’dan fırsat bulup da ben kulunuzun karaladığı satırları okuyanlar için demekteyim.) Hele konu E.B.D. başkanı olunca, ayrı bir önem arz ediyor, değil mi.

Bildiğiniz üzre, önceki yazılarımızda Gondolunabindimrise bacımızın Tuş tarafından bana aracı olarak gönderildiğini duyurmuştuk. Dabuluyu dabuluyu Tuş, bana bir de mektup yollamış. Hemide el yazısıyla. Hemi de ıslak imza ile. ( sorun bakim başbakanımıza gelen mektuplar el yazısıyla mı yazılmış, nerdeee ? ) Bu mektubu siz okurlarımla paylaşmam gerek. Hem ben yayınlamazsam, Sn. Doğu Perinçek’in yayınlaması kuvvetle muhtemeldir yani.

Mektup şöyle :
“ Sevgili Hasan, nasılsın bakiim. Evvela selam eder gözlerinden öper, hasretle kucu kucu yaparım. Tüm eyaletimiz sakinlerini kovboy selamı ile selamlarım. Bize verecek askeri, petrolü, üslerimiz için toprağı olan tüm müstakbel komşu eyalet sakinlerini yanaklarından mıncıklarım. Eee, daha daha ne var ne yok. Sen de benden soracak olursan, çok şükür, ham dolsun iyiyiz. Sorma Hasan’cım, hanımla aramız biraz açık. Bana, “ bütün dünyayı, uzayı, bozayı fethedicim diye tutturmuşsun. Burada gül gibi karın solup gidiyor, güneşte kar gibi eriyor. Peki bu gülü kim koklayacak, bu kardan kim kardan adam yapacak? “ diye söylenip canımı sıkıyor. Vallahi, sen yabancı değilsin, bu başkanlık işine girdik, hayatım mahvoldu. Affedersin, çişimi bile tutamaz oldum. Bir tarihte dünya ’da ki karnı açlarla ilgili bir toplantı yaptık. Dünya’ nın en büyük pay sahibi olarak benim konuşmam gerekiyordu. Eh, sizin zop starınız Tarkan misali çişimize hükmedemedik. Gazeteler, tiviler de bunu olay yaptı. Nevar abi bunda, sizin uyur - gezer bakanınız da elinde ki kürdanı çaktırmadan yere atmıyor mu. Her neyse, sizin bir atasözünüz var, “ büyük başın derdi de büyük olurmuş “ diye. İtiraf edeyim, tüm dünyaya ramboları yerleştirdik. Şimdi bu adamlara “ hadi evinize “ desem, ne iş yapacaklar. Bu adamlar alışmış, mermi, ateş, kan, şiddet .. Başka meslekleri yok, başka bildikleri bir iş yok. Vallahi işgalleri bunların maaşlarını ödemek için yapıyoruz.

Eee, başka ne var, ne yok. El Tayyib-i Takkiye nasıllar. Duydum ki bir tarihte onu at depmiş. Oval ofiste de kendisine söylemiştim. Kendini kovboy mu sanıyor, nedir. Olmaz ki bu kadar özenti, dimi canım. Biz artık kovboy filmi çevirmiyoruz. Neden, çünkü haşamat edilecek kızılderili kalmadı. Ama ne yalan söyleyim, atalarım da ben de bu işi iyi biliyoruz. Her şeyi silah olarak kullanabiliriz. Sinema da bizim için bir silahtır. Şimdi sizin memlekette Bred Pit’den yakışıklısı, boylu poslusu yok mu ? Eminim ki var. Mesela Pit’in boyu kısadır. Filmlerinde uzun boylu gözüksün diye, ayaklarının altına sandalye koyarız. Ama siz bilmezsiniz, göremezsiniz. Biz o’ nu öyle süsler, öyle sunarız ki, kızlarınızın gönlünde taht kurar. Yine yüzünün yarısı ağızdan ibaret olan Culiya Rabırts’ı size dünya güzeli diye yuttururuz. Sizde bizim verdiğimiz bu ilaçları alırsınız. Biz hem dünya’ya büyük E.B.D.’nin mesajını veririz, hem de paralarınızı toplarız. Sinema demişken, atalarım geçmişte kızılderilileri haklamış, zencilere yaptıklarımızı ise hepimiz biliyoruz. Allah’ın ve bütün kulların bildiğini kimden saklayacağız. Biz, sinema ile üzerimizde ki bu kötü imajı sildik. Nasıl mı ; biz beyazlarla bunları aynı filmde, başrolde oynatarak. Yani, “ beyaz adam ve kızılderili adam, kötü adamlara karşı “ , “ beyaz polis ile zenci polis kötülere karşı “ gibisinden filimler yaptık. Sırada, “ beyaz adam ve petrol derili adam kötülere karşı “ filmi var. Yakında sinemalarda.

Ha, birde dünya’da ki tüm eyaletlerimizi - pardon ülkeleri – her alanda takip ederiz. Yıldızı parlayan kim varsa, siyasetçi, sinemacı, bilim adamı şu, bu, bunları ülkemize davet ederiz. ( Hatırlayın Tayyip Bey’i, Mustafa Sarıgül’ü, Ylmaz Erdoğan’ı . ) niye davet ederiz, çünkü gün gelir bir işimiz düşer. Hani atalarınız ne demiş ; “ bir fincan kahvenin 40 yıl hatırı var. “

Tuş’un bana yazdığı mektup burada bitmiyor tabi. Bu yazı dizimiz O’nu o kadar rahatsız etmiş ki, ahlaksız bir teklifte bulunuyor; E.B.D. ve biz guya bir “ berdel evlilik “ yapacakmışız. Buna göre, Gondolunabindimrise’yi imam nikahı kıyarak, bir tarikat şeyhiyle evlendirmenin karşılığında, Nazlı Ilıcakvakcak’ı da, karısı sizlere ömür bir senatöre verecekmişiz.

Düğünü Türkiye’de mahalle arasında, boş bir dükkanda yapalım diyor. Düğünde özellikle çalınması ve söylenmesini istediği parçalar var. Bunlar;
Gördügnü, gördügnü – bas bas paraları leylaya, bidaamı gelcez dünyayaaa – oy farfara farfara, ataşda düştü şalvara – kadifeeedeeeen keseeesi – bayıra karşı yatır beni, tırmala beni kaşı beni – Zortlayıver çekirge - O şiiimdi asker, canı acep ne ister.
Ayrıca, düğüne istediği şarkıcılar ve medyumlar ise şunlar ; Angaralı Turgut – İsmail Türüt - Kağtalı mıçi – Medyum memiş – Keto – Titrek şarkıcı Azer Bülbül – Bilumum yeni yetme popçular.

Diğer şartları ise şöyle :
Cemil İpekçi kreasyonundan giyilecek, Çağla Şikel ve din değiştiren bilumum manken taifesi haçlarını, Gasımpaşalı Seda Sayan terliklerini, taş bebek Gönül Yazar’ da gocalarını sergileyecek. Darubukacı Baryam çalacak, Balık Ayhan zıplayacak. En önemli isteği de, programı ünlü kaynana Semra Hanım’ın sunmasıymış. Düğünün açılışını ramboların çıkartacağı bomba ve füze sesleri eşliğinde Tuş ve garısı yapacakmış. Açılışta gaşık havası ve çiftetelli oynayacaklarmış. Düğün masrafları için bir milyar dolar karşılıksız kredi verecekmiş. Krediyle alakası yokmuş ama, bizim sülalenin eli ayağı tutan bütün erkekleri Irak’ ta gönüllü askerlik yaparsa sevinirmiş. Mektubu şöylece bitirmiş ;

“ Sevgili Hasan, bana bir torba içinde kına göndermişsin. Bu ne işe yarar, yenilir mi, içilir mi, bir yerimize mi sürecez. Kullanım talimatnamesi yok, gönderirsen sevinirim. Seni kovboy selamı ile selamlarım. Bize sadık, ne dersek onu yapan, 70 yıllık dost ve müttefik ülkenizin bir ferdi olarak, atalarının izinden gideceğine, bu yazı dizisine artık bir son vereceğine inancım tamdır. Aksi halde, savaş uçakları ve gemilerimiz boğaza doğru turistik bir geziye çıkacaklar, ona göre haaa !.. Hani yanlış da anlama. Rica, minnet ve arz – ı hörmet eylerim.

www. TUŞ
Islak İmza “

Tuş’ un mektubu böyle. Ben, kınanın kullanım talimatnamesi ve ıslak imzalı cevabı mektubumu yazdım. Sizlerin arasında O’ na mektup yazmak isteyen yok mu. Varsa bekliyorum. Vallahi bu köşede yayınlayacağım.

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Hueseyin Aksoy

Son yorumlar

  • 30.07.2014 09:02
    abdal musa lokmasında köy müzesini faliyete geçeçek

    Devamını oku...

  • 28.07.2014 08:08
    Hasan Abi, egemegine saglik, cok güzel olmus :)

    Devamını oku...