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 Madımak ’da 35 Can idim

Uğultulara uyanıyorum, güneşi batmayan günlere, sabahı olmayan gecelere uyanıyorum, bir ananın çığlığındayım, bir babanın çaresizliğinde, bir çocuğun özleminde, bir eşin hasretindeyim.

Yatağıma oturup ne olduğunu anlamaya çalışıyorum evvel. Ne kadar olmuştu ki uykuya dalalı saate bakıyorum, yarım saat. Sanki bir anda dünya değişmiş herkes ayaklanmış mahşer yerine dönmüş ortalık. Odamın kapısını aralıyorum bağrışmalar hem içerde hem dışarda. Önce anlayamıyorum ne dediklerini, yavaş yavaş kulaklarım alışıyor seslere, sözcükleri anlamaya çalışıyorum. İçeride “imdat” sesleri, “geliyorlar” diye haykırıyor birileri, “taş atıyorlar kollayın kendinizi” diyor başka biri, “bir şeyler yapın” diyor öteki, “polisi arayın, jandarmayı arayın, hükümeti arayın, arayın yeter ki arayın” diyorlar. Koşuşturmalar artıyor telaştan kimse kimseyi görmüyor. Anlayamıyorum nedir bu hâl, gözlerim doluyor, haykırmak geliyor içimden. Sonra şiddetli bir çığlık duyuyorum “yakıyorlar” diye…..


Bir anda içerideki sesler tükeniyor, söylenecek ne varsa söylenmiş sanki. Dışarıda ki sürüye bırakıyorlar meydanı. İlk önce cılız bir ses “tekbir” diye bağırıyor sonra kalabalık “Allah-u Ekber”, diye karşılık veriyor. Tekrarlıyorlar, tekrarlıyorlar. Ne demek bu bilmiyorum, niye söylenir anlamı nedir bilmiyorum, birilerini yuhalıyorlar duyuyorum, sloganlar atılıyor Sivas Azize mezar olacak, Cumhuriyet Sivas da kuruldu Sivas da yıkılacak. Niye diye düşünüyorum neden yıkılsın, kim ki bunlar ne istiyorlar, Sesler şiddetleniyor “Cehennem ateşi bu Yarabbi”  diye bağırıyorlar, alkış tutuyorlar. Duman kokusundan anlıyorum ki bir yerler yanıyor. Nasıl bir koku bu her yanımı sarıyor.

Etrafıma bakıyorum bu kadar kalabalığın arasında yapayalnızım. Her yer karanlık, duvarlara tutunarak yürüyorum. Merdivenlere yöneliyorum bir kat aşağıda toplanmış insanların seslerini duyuyorum. Birkaç basamak iniyorum duman daha yoğun, göz gözü görmüyor. Öksürüyorum öksürüyorum. Nasıl durabiliyorlar diye düşünüyorum bu kadar isin, dumanın arasında. Merdivenin en alt basamağına inene kadar beni kimse fark etmiyor.

Şaşırıyorum, sanki benim duyduklarımı, gördüklerimi kimse görmüyor, duymuyor. Semaha durmuşlar, ayakları çıplak, ateşin üzerin de dönüyorlar. Yüzlerini seçemiyorum öylece izliyorum. Sonra biri elini uzatıyor ve beni de semaha çağırıyor. Sağ elimi kalbimin üzerine koyup niyaz ediyorum. Gözlerim ayaklarıma takılıyor çoraplarımı ne vakit çıkardığımı hatırlayamıyorum. Ateşin üzerindeyim “gerçeğin demine Hü”  sesini duyuyorum ve dönmeye başlıyorum. Dönüyorum dönüyorum bağrımdaki ateşin, dışarıdaki ateşten daha sıcak olduğunu hissediyorum.

İlk pervazda Hasret oluyorum, sonra Akarsu olup çağlıyorum. Çimenler yüreğimde yeşeriyor, kendimden geçiyorum. Çorum’da vahşice katledilen bir genç oluyorum. Maraş’ta hançerlenen kadının karnındaki bebek,  Malatya da bir faili meçhulüm, Erzincan’da Zini Gediğinde öldürülen bir köylüyüm, Banaz da Pir Sultan diye asılıyorum, Kerbela’da susuz ölüyorum, zalimin karşısında Hacı Bektaşım, Taptuk oluyorum, Yunus oluyorum, dönüyorum dönüyorum. Dünya da benimle hak için dönüyor.

Kor ateşin üzerinde semahımız bitiyor. İs, duman tüm bedenimizi sarmış bizi teslim almaya çalışıyor. Biri “üst katlara çıkın” diye sesleniyor. Bir adım atıyorum, semaha duranlara bakıyorum kimse yürümek için yeltenmiyor. Bende vaz geçiyorum, onlar gibi duruyorum dara, benimde adımı yazın diyorum tarihe. Yobazların yüzüne benim yerime de tükürün, nasıl kıydınız otuz beş cana diye köpürün, ve unutmayın unutturmayın diyorum.


Behçet Sefa AYSAN                                                     Yeşim ÖZKAN

Nurcan ŞAHİN                                                              Muhibe AKARSU

Muhlis AKARSU                                                           Murat GÜNDÜZ

Handan METİN                                                            Ahmet ÖZYURT

Huriye ÖZKAN                                                             İnci TÜRK

Özlem ŞAHİN                                                               Yasemin SİVRİ

Asuman SİVRİ                                                              Uğur KAYNAR

Sehergül ATEŞ                                                             Gülender AKÇA

Gülsün KARABABA                                                     Mehmet ATAY

Hasret GÜLTEKİN                                                       Serkan DOĞAN

Muammer ÇİÇEK                                                        Belkıs ÇAKIR

Asaf KOÇAK                                                                 Edibe SULARI AĞBABA

Menekşe KAYA                                                           Koray KAYA

Serpil ÇANİK                                                               Erdal AYRANCI

Asım BEZİRCİ                                                              Sait METİN

Carina Cuanna THUIJS                                              Nesimi ÇİMEN

Metin ALTIOK                                                            Ahmet ÖZTÜRK



2 Temmuz 1993 Sivas Madımak otelinde hayatını kaybetmiş tün canların anısına…