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Bir Öğrencimin Bana Öğrettikleri
Yazan: Doğan Cüceloğlu

Kaliforniya'da Long Beach şehrindeki Eyalet Üniversitesi'nde öğretim
üyesi olarak ders verirken, aynı sömestrde benim iki dersimi alan bir
kız öğrencim dikkatimi çekmeye başlamıştı. Bu genç bayanın şu
özelliklerinin farkına varmıştım: Her şeyden önce çok güzel bir kızdı;
gözüm gayri ihtiyari ona gidiyordu. İkinci olarak çok iyi bir
öğrenciydi; bütün sınav ve ödevlerde en yüksek notu o alıyordu.
Ayrıca, çok hanımefendi, çok nezih bir kişiliği vardı. Bölümün bir
pikniğinde kız öğrencimin nişanlısıyla tanıştım ve itiraf edeyim, ilk
aklımdan geçen, 'Armudun iyisini ayılar yer' düşüncesi oldu. Yukarıda
özelliklerini saydığım o güzel kızın bana tanıştırdığı erkek, yirmi
yedi-yirmi sekiz yaşlarında, saçı biraz dökülmüş, şişman denecek kadar
toplu, çirkin, kısa boylu biriydi.

Bu kişiye parası için yüz vermiş olabileceğini düşündüm. Daha sonra
öğrendim ki, bu genç adamın parasal gücü yok; başka bir üniversitenin
psikolojik danışmanlık bölümünde doktora öğrencisi olarak okula devam
ediyor ve ileride akademisyen olarak kariyer yapıp profesör olmak
istiyor.

Acaba benim güzel öğrencim bu adamda ne bulmuştu? Bir hafta sonra ders
çıkışı koridorda öğrencimin yanına yaklaştım ve Sally adıyla anacağım
öğrencimle aramızda şöyle bir konuşma geçti:

'Sally, nişanlınla nasıl tanıştığınızı merak ediyorum?

'Bir kilise faaliyetinde aynı komitede çalıştık; o zaman tanıdım kendisini '

'Nesi seni etkiledi; hangi özelliklerini sevdin?

Sally, bir Amerikalı olarak bu soruyu hiç beklemiyordu. Amerikan
kültüründe, bu tür sorular kişinin mahremiyetine tecavüz olarak kabul
edildiğinden pek sorulmaz. Amerikan kültürüne göre ben o anda
Sally'nin mahremiyetine 'burnumu sokuyordum.'

Şaşkınlığı geçince çok içten, gözlerinin içi gülerek, 'O şahane bir
insan; o benim kahramanım! Ben ondan çok şeyler öğrendim' dedi.

O anda ilk hissettiğim şey kıskançlık duygusu oldu. Güzel bir kadının
erkeğine, 'Sen benim kahramanımsın' duygusu içinde bakmasının erkeğe
verilmiş en büyük hediye olduğunu hissettim ve anladım. Bu hediyeyi,
hayatım boyunca hiç almadığımı biliyordum ve o kişiyi kıskandım.

'Nasıl yani?' dedim.

'Frank bir yetimhanede büyümüş. Yetim olmanın ne demek olduğunu
bildiği için, üniversite öğrencisi olunca, yetimhaneden iki çocuğa
ağabeylik yapma kararı almış. Haftada on saatini onlara ayırıyor;
onlarla buluşup oynuyor, kitap okuyor, onları müzeye götürüyor.
Onların iyi gelişmesi için elinden geleni yapıyor. Biri ameliyat oldu,
hastanede yatıyor ve Frank şimdi akşamları hastanede kalıyor, geceleri
ona bakıyor.'

Yüzüme tokat yemiş gibi oldum. Utandım. Kendime kızdım. Ben güya en
yüksek eğitim düzeyine gelmiş biriydim ve karşımdakini hala dış
görünüşe göre yargılıyor ve onu 'ayı' olarak görüyordum. İçimdeki
pislikten utandım. Bir süre sonra Sally'nin içinde yetiştiği aile
ortamını merak etmeye başladım. Şöyle bir mantık yürüttüm: o adama
baktığım zaman ben neden, 'Armudun iyisini ayılar yer' diye düşündüm?
Çünkü ben, içinde yetiştiğim ortamda sık sık bu benzetmeyi duyarak
büyümüştüm. İçinde yetiştiğim ortam beni nasıl etkilemişse, Sally'nin
içinde yetiştiği ortam da onu öyle etkilemiş olmalıydı.

Birkaç hafta sonra Sally'e, ailesinin nerede oturduğunu sordum. Los
Angeles'in üç yüz elli km kuzeyindeki bir kasabada oturuyorlarmış.
Onun ailesiyle tanışmak istediğimi, bunu mümkün olup olamayacağını
sordum. 'Kendilerine bir sorayım, eminim sizinle tanışmak
isteyeceklerdir,' dedi ve iki gün sonra, 'Ailemle konuştum; sizinle
tanışmaktan mutlu olacaklarını söylediler,' dedi. Dört-beş hafta sonra
San Francisco'ya gidecektim, Sally'nin ailesinin yaşadığı kasaba
yolumun üstündeydi, onlara uğrayabilir, onlarla tanıştıktan sonra
yoluma devam edebilirdim.

Bu planımı Sally'e söylediğimde Sally, 'O gün ben de aileme
gidecektim; isterseniz beraber gidebiliriz,' dedi. Ailesine haber
verdi. Onlar da sabah kahvaltısına gelmemizi söylemişler. Long
Beach'ten sabahın altısında yola çıktık ve dokuz buçuk civarında
Sally'nin ağabeyi Brian'ın evine vardık. Sally'nin babası George orada
buluşmamızı uygun görmüş. Çok güleryüzlü bir aileydi. Brian'ın, en
ufağı dört yaş civarında dört çocuğu vardı.

Ziyaret ettiğim bu güleryüzlü sıcak ailede, iki olay gerçekten
dikkatimi çekti. Bunlardan ilki, Sally'nin babası George'un
torunlarıyla konuşurken onların göz hizalarına inmesiydi. Bunu o kadar
doğal yapıyordu ki, artık farkına varılmadan yapılan bir davranış
olduğu belliydi. Sally'ye, babasının torunlarıyla hep böyle mi
konuştuğunu sordum. 'Evet' yanıtını alınca, kendisi çocukken de
babasının, onunla göz hizasına inerek mi konuştuğunu sordum. 'Evet,
biz böyle biliyoruz. Ağabeyim Brian da çocuklarıyla böyle konuşur; ben
de kendi çocuklarımla böyle konuşacağım. Biz böyle biliyoruz', dedi.
Tüylerim diken diken oldu. Ben üniversite öğretim üyesiydim ve insan
psikolojisi benim uzmanlık alanımdı ama üç çocuğumdan hiçbiriyle göz
hizasına inerek konuştuğumu hatırlamıyordum. Kendime kızdım; sonra
kendime kızmaktan da vazgeçtim, beni yetiştirenlere kızdım. Sonra
onlara kızmaktan da vazgeçtim ve bütün nesilleri yetiştiren kültür
ortamına kızdım. Daha sonra kimseye kızmayacağımı anlayarak, oradaki
öğrenme fırsatından yararlanmaya karar verdim. Torunlarının önünde diz
çökerek konuşan dede George'a 'Beyefendi, çocukların göz hizasına
inerek konuşuyorsunuz!' dedim. Bana biraz şaşkınlıkla gülümseyerek,
'Tabii, onlar küçük insanlar!' yanıtını verdi. Öyle bir bakışı vardı
ki, bu bakış sanki 'Bu kadar doğal bir şey ki, herhalde bunu herkes
yapıyordur; sen yapmıyor musun?' diyordu.

O bakışa karşı bütün yaptığım, mahcup bir gülümseme oldu.

Bu güleryüzlü sıcak ailede dikkatimi çeken ikinci olay, Sally'nin
ağabeyi Brian'ın davranışı oldu. Brian, Pasifik ülkeleriyle ticaret
yapan, oldukça varlıklı biriydi. Evlerinin büyüklüğünden, yüzme
havuzundan, çiftliklerinden, arabalarının türünden ailenin zenginliği
belli oluyordu. Kahvaltıdan sonra saat on bir dolaylarında telefon
çaldı ve Brian bir süre telefonla konuştu. Ofisten arıyorlarmış,
Koreli bir işadamı Los Anegeles'ta imiş, kendisiyle görüşmek için
helikopterle saat 14'te gelmek istiyormuş. Başka bir randevusu
olduğunu söyleyerek bu teklifi reddetmiş olan Brian, bize durumu şöyle
açıkladı: 'Dört çocuğum var ve her hafta biriyle dört saat başbaşa
geçiririm. Bugün dört yaşındaki kızım Mary'le randevum var. Çocuklar
çok çabuk büyüyorlar, eğer dikkat etmezsen, bir bakıyorsun, büyümüşler
ve onlarla beraber zaman geçirme olanağı kaybolmuş.

Brian'ın yaşam vizyonunu sormadım, ama davranışından nelere öncelik
verdiği belli oluyordu. Brian için çocukları şüphesiz en az işi kadar
önemliydi. Brian'ın yaşamında bununla ilgili bir pişmanlık duygusu,
bir 'keşke' olmayacak.

Sally'e sordum: 'Baban seninle randevulaşır mıydı?'

'Evet', dedi, 'yalnız benimle değil, her çocuğuyla sırasıyla başbaşa
zaman geçirirdi. Ve ilave etti, 'Biz böyle gördük, böyle biliyoruz.
Benim çocuğumun da babası böyle yapacak!'. Gülümseyerek, 'Nereden
biliyorsun?' diye sordum.

'Biz Frank'le konuştuk' diye cevap verdi. Yine içim cız etti. Daha
doğmadan çocuğun gelişme ortamıyla ilgili bir bilinç oluşmuştu.

Kendi çocuklarıma içim yandı. Evlenmeden önceki bilincimi, kafamın
karmaşıklığını, evlendiğim kıza ettiğim eziyetleri ve ondan da acısı,
kendi yavrularıma çektirdiğim acıları düşündüm. Biraz daha düşününce
kendimin de acı çektiğini anladım ve bu sefer kendi çocukluğuma içim
yandı. Daha sonra babamın, anamın çocukluğuna içim yandı. Ve son durak
olarak ülkemin tüm çocuklarına içim yandı.

Yine kimseye kızamayacağımı anlayınca, 'bundan sonra ne yapabilirimle
ilgili düşünmeye karar verdim. İşte değerli okurum; yazdığım kitaplar,
verdiğim seminerler, hazırladığım televizyon programları, 'Ne
yapabilirim?' sorusuna verdiğim yanıtların öğeleridir. Sally'nin
içinde yetiştiği ortamı görmüş ve anlamış biri olarak onun
davranışlarına şimdi daha iyi anlam verebiliyorum. Sally, içinde
yetiştiği ailede, varoluşun beş boyutunu da doya doya yaşayabilmişti.
Çocuğun hizasına inerek onunla göz göze konuştuğunuz zaman çocuk, 'Sen
varsın, sen doğalsın, sen değerlisin, sen güçlüsün ve sen sevilmeye
layıksın', mesajı alır ve çocuğun CAN'ı beslenir.

Çocuğuyla randevusuna sadık kalan baba, 'Seninle zaman geçirmek
istiyorum, seni özledim', mesajını güçlü olarak verir. Çocuk bu mesajı
zihinsel olarak değil, sezgisel olarak alır ve aldığı bu sezgisel
mesajlar sayesinde çocuğun hamuru, 'Ben sevilmeye layık biriyim!' diye
yoğrulur.

Bir ana babanın çocuklarına verebileceği en büyük miras, varoluşun beş
boyutunda beslenmiş ve buna inanmış güçlü bir CAN'dır

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Yazarlarımız


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Hüseyin Dinçer
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İsmet Avşar
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Hueseyin Aksoy
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Kevser Aydın
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Süleyman Kılıç
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Hasan Aksoy
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Hakan Dinçer
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Mehmet Karaaslan

Son yorumlar

  • 30.07.2014 09:02
    abdal musa lokmasında köy müzesini faliyete geçeçek

    Devamını oku...

     
  • 28.07.2014 08:08
    Hasan Abi, egemegine saglik, cok güzel olmus :)

    Devamını oku...

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